How the crap do I still have friends?
Mar. 13th, 2012 01:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jenmccarrollI am very blessed to have a lot of people I love and a lot of people who love me.
It is a gift I haven't earned but have nevertheless been bestowed.
Sometimes I don't do things in a way that I think pleases others. Sometimes the following applies to me:
I am not a good housekeeper. I leave dishes laying around, forget to clean up after myself, and just randomly throw crap on the floor.
I snore.
I cancel plans at the last minute. Sometimes I can't handle the stress of living and the fact that I have to actually get dressed and be somewhere and have company scares me very much.
I don't answer emails or messages. Maybe I'm worried you're mad at me for doing so, which makes me take even longer getting back to you. Maybe I don't know what to say or don't want to share what is going on with me.
I keep my phone turned off. I hate phones. I don't like phone conversations ever. I even don't have a phone at work to answer in the last week which fills me full of joy.
Sometimes I am noisy or annoying. I say inappropriate things. I behave inappropriately. I can be offensive and irritating towards others. Sometimes we're just not going to get along. That's life.
I spend too much time focusing on others who do not care about me whatsoever. I have sent more emails and letters to a person in my life in the last year who has not responded to a single one of them than I have to my own father. It's just that I know what I want to say to people who have no interest, but when it comes to my lovely father I am at a loss for words.
I am a hoarder. I get these weird attachments to inanimate objects that I don't use and don't want to give away or trash, so they just end up taking up space and cause me misery. Only an intervention will help.
I am a procrastinator. I am that person who will be late for everything.
I am bad at my priorities and life choices. Nobody is wowed that I go to school part time and work full time as a clerical person or that I live in a crappy one-bedroom apartment in Glen Burnie. Nobody wants that life.
Sometimes I rather sleep or daydream than do what I am supposed to do. Your rally or charity or 5K is getting in the way of my staring at the ceiling time.
Sometimes I take the side of others in a way with which others might disagree. I am a flaming liberal. Get over it. Stop talking to me about Rick Santorum, because it just makes me see red. Stop acting like everyone is a Christian or a non-Christian because nobody is the same in all ways.
Sometimes I stay too long in situations that are unhealthy for me. Did I mention the crappy one-bedroom in a town I don't like? I've lived there forever. Ugh.
Sometimes I hog all the Cheetos.
Sometimes I am boring.
Sometimes I don't care about things you want me to care about, whether it's your baby or how to pronounce a word. I don't want to go to Relay for Life meetings. I don't like Relay for Life, but does that matter? I rather visit sick people in the hospital. Why aren't we visiting sick people in hospitals because that is more fun than walking alone at 3pm in the rain which sucks big time.
I am definitely not there enough for the people in my life. My friend Linda's husband is in the hospital and have I even called her? I should be there, running to her house, making sure she has clean clothes and meals and things. Instead I am on the couch, finishing off Cheetos I'm not supposed to have.
Somehow, despite all these faults, my church and friends and family still love me and for that I am grateful. I am grateful for the unlimited chances I have been given, knowing I will squander them and fail again and again.
Thank you.
It is a gift I haven't earned but have nevertheless been bestowed.
Sometimes I don't do things in a way that I think pleases others. Sometimes the following applies to me:
I am not a good housekeeper. I leave dishes laying around, forget to clean up after myself, and just randomly throw crap on the floor.
I snore.
I cancel plans at the last minute. Sometimes I can't handle the stress of living and the fact that I have to actually get dressed and be somewhere and have company scares me very much.
I don't answer emails or messages. Maybe I'm worried you're mad at me for doing so, which makes me take even longer getting back to you. Maybe I don't know what to say or don't want to share what is going on with me.
I keep my phone turned off. I hate phones. I don't like phone conversations ever. I even don't have a phone at work to answer in the last week which fills me full of joy.
Sometimes I am noisy or annoying. I say inappropriate things. I behave inappropriately. I can be offensive and irritating towards others. Sometimes we're just not going to get along. That's life.
I spend too much time focusing on others who do not care about me whatsoever. I have sent more emails and letters to a person in my life in the last year who has not responded to a single one of them than I have to my own father. It's just that I know what I want to say to people who have no interest, but when it comes to my lovely father I am at a loss for words.
I am a hoarder. I get these weird attachments to inanimate objects that I don't use and don't want to give away or trash, so they just end up taking up space and cause me misery. Only an intervention will help.
I am a procrastinator. I am that person who will be late for everything.
I am bad at my priorities and life choices. Nobody is wowed that I go to school part time and work full time as a clerical person or that I live in a crappy one-bedroom apartment in Glen Burnie. Nobody wants that life.
Sometimes I rather sleep or daydream than do what I am supposed to do. Your rally or charity or 5K is getting in the way of my staring at the ceiling time.
Sometimes I take the side of others in a way with which others might disagree. I am a flaming liberal. Get over it. Stop talking to me about Rick Santorum, because it just makes me see red. Stop acting like everyone is a Christian or a non-Christian because nobody is the same in all ways.
Sometimes I stay too long in situations that are unhealthy for me. Did I mention the crappy one-bedroom in a town I don't like? I've lived there forever. Ugh.
Sometimes I hog all the Cheetos.
Sometimes I am boring.
Sometimes I don't care about things you want me to care about, whether it's your baby or how to pronounce a word. I don't want to go to Relay for Life meetings. I don't like Relay for Life, but does that matter? I rather visit sick people in the hospital. Why aren't we visiting sick people in hospitals because that is more fun than walking alone at 3pm in the rain which sucks big time.
I am definitely not there enough for the people in my life. My friend Linda's husband is in the hospital and have I even called her? I should be there, running to her house, making sure she has clean clothes and meals and things. Instead I am on the couch, finishing off Cheetos I'm not supposed to have.
Somehow, despite all these faults, my church and friends and family still love me and for that I am grateful. I am grateful for the unlimited chances I have been given, knowing I will squander them and fail again and again.
Thank you.
