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[personal profile] jenmccarroll
So I fell into the rabbit hole of depression and have I climbed out? Not sure.

I have major things coming up and they all cost money.

1. Car--Greg needs a new car. He's thinking of getting one in March.
2. House--we're thinking of buying a house. We'll be talking to someone soon to see what we qualify for but we already have one in mind. I hate that I have my hopes up for something that might not come to pass.
3. Student loans--I need to take out a bigger loan for living expenses as I'm planning on doing an unpaid internship for three years. This might be something that doesn't come to pass if I buy a house. :(
4. Engagement ring--Yep, still obsessed with stupid wedding stuff like engagement rings. And while I've decided I'm just doing a backyard affair with maybe a dozen family members, I'm still stuck on the idea of this stupid pretty moissanite.
5. Gym membership--I found a new gym I quite like. It's $10.00 a week. Yikes!!!
6. Lasik--I really would like to stop wearing glasses and contacts and be able to actually see.

This when other people can't afford to eat. I'm kind of ashamed, to be quite honest. Yes, Greg needs a car, but do I really need the other things? Do we need a house when we have an apartment? Do I need to get a degree in Social Work when I could go for something I hate but is practical such as business? Is it shameful to want the engagement ring I want when I could get a perfectly nice ring for so much less? I could exercise for free outside. I have a perfectly nice pair of glasses that were plenty expensive.

Well, the house we'd be getting an unbelievable deal on and I have been living in an apartment since I was nineteen and I'm tired of it. And. Heh. As for the social work degree, while I do love the subject and am committed to staying in school, I'm torn. I'm not sure I can afford to do an unpaid internship 2-3 times a week. As for the engagement ring, I've wanted a ring like this forever. The lasik surgery? I've wanted since I was eleven.

These are things I've wanted for some time, but all of sudden I've run out of patience and want all of it at once. Obviously I'm out of my mind if I think I could afford to have all of it at once.

The lasik is going to have to wait. What else can wait? The engagement ring. As much as I've been wedding obsessed it's just jewelry. Greg and I have been together long enough without it and we'll continue to be together without it! (The five year old in me is having such a tantrum and wants her silly piece of jewelry.) The house and car are not going to wait ... so we're going to strapped for cash for a very long time. The gym membership might have to wait.

The degree is causing a state of panic. It's a bad feeling to be at crossroads when it comes to career decisions. I have a passion for the education, and I know that if I do the field work I will graduate with the required hours to get my license and a good job. I have a year before I even need to apply to field. It's not something I have to decide right now. In the meantime, who says I cannot double my major and take other classes until I can afford to do the unpaid internship?

Here have a holiday greeting:

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Hi!. I'm Jen, fiance to Greg, college student, and future crazy cat lady. I love makeovers, decorating, collecting random facts, trivia, playing show and tell, camp movies, shopping, libraries, random singing, random dancing, snuggling, and loafing. Oh, and watching Glee.

Greg has been my partner in crime for nine years. I've known him since high school; he is my soulmate and best friend. He's an actor, a playwright, a poet and works in data entry. We spend most of our time laughing hysterically. We're thinking about getting married sometime this decade and adopting our first cat sometime in the next few weeks.


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May 2012

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